Phew, March-July is a BITCH for food!!!

Man alive! How long has it been? Let me get a look at you!!!

I have cooked a total of about 6 home-cooked meals between March and July. During March, I start getting ready for camp, end out After School Rec and start planning my vacation, so that leaves little time for culinary creativity. In addition to work, I got back into acting so my time is spent rehearsing, taking classes and auditioning. It's cool acting again (especially improv), it feels like I am truly creating rather than just "Yes Anding" someone else's work. I was never much of a musical writer; I tried, but my creations never got off the ground... but acting, that is the stuff!

Any way, back to business. Now that I am settling into my schedule, I have been cooking more. My latest adventure was grilling 7 slabs of pork ribs and 16 pounds of chicken for my teen camp. Every time my camp reaches its capacity of 50 kids, we abandon the traditional Burgers and Dogs for ribs, chicken and potluck style sides, desserts and drinks.

Since I was cooking for a mass audience of minors, for safety (and time), I made sure to slow roast the ribs and chicken in the oven at about 250 for about 2.5 hours (seasoning with a garlic-herb mix and seasoning salt). Again, considering the number of kids, I decided to keep the sauce simple (Bullseye with sugar added for sweetness and clingyness). the ribs were flavorful, tender, savory and sweet. A number of staff said they were the BEST ribs the ever tasted; I thought they were just being nice, but staff went for thirds and asked to take some home... mission accomplished!

We hit 50 again for this coming week so I am looking forward to another 5-oh Backyard BBQ (as we call them now).

Slurpee-licious!

Once in a long while, 7eleven gives birth to a Slurpee flavor that far surpasses that of their traditional cherry and cola flavors, and today was that day. At first, I passed over the SpongeBob SquarePants Slurpee placard for the simple fact that it was SpongeBob. However, upon further examination I realized that Mr. Pants was advertising a delicious Pineapple flavored Slurpee today! Although it is rainy today, I decided to get a 40 oz. of Pineapple Slurpee and a Welch's Strawberry Soda to top off the Slurpee during the slurping process. It was gooooooood! And it still is, well, the the Slurpee is now about 73% Strawberry Soda now.

So far my all-time Slurpee flavors are...

- Grape (they need to bring that back)
- Sour Green Apple
- and Pineapple

When none of the above is available, I default to the traditional cherry or cola flavors. The ultimate is to have a Sour Green Apple Slurpee with a Green Apple Smirnoff Twist topper, yummy!

I need to stay late at work for a 3 on 3 basketball tournament tonight, it should be a quick and easy gig. I wonder what I should grab for a quick dinner... fried chicken from Albertson’s, maybe a value meal from Carl's Jr.? It is pay day, perhaps a dinner from that BBQ joint on Hopyard. The choices are endless and I have 2 hours to decide.

In related news, I wonder what kind of food will be at Lily’s birthday party tomorrow. I am quickly starting to learn that food is a low priority for most party givers and I am getting DAMN sick of it! I just hope that Lisa and I don’t make a big ‘ole trip for her niece’s birthday party only for me to be disappointed in the food. Last time I took a trip up to Petaluma for a family outing (Fathers Day 2004), the return on investment was WAY low, but I did grill the hell out of some short ribs that day. I’m not big on traveling long distances to cook, clean and serve only to come back home and clean the stuff I just dirtied two hours ago. The only exception is a camping trip where folks are chillin’ for a good amount of time. Ah well, what will be cool about going up to Petaluma tomorrow is, well… umm… I guess I will just go and see what’s cool because I am at a loss here.

Yes, Yes, Begin the Buffet Renaissance!

Ah, the buffet saga continues. In all fairness, there were MANY factors that tainted the Paris experience, and thank you for reminding me of Larry’s lascivious antics that night, that was worth its weight in gold. That boy has a dead eye for hot chicks and ample bosoms. He beats me in bosom appreciation, my mom often reminds me that I started at the age of two watching National Geographic; Larry is a true prodigy.

Dustin does make an excellent point with meat products and recommendations from friends. Buffets are like relationship, you have to kiss a few frogs. As you can tell, Dustin is quite the culinary connoisseur and I MUST respect a man that responds in the passionate fashion that he did... plus he likes some of my cooking.

Now, allow me to address the salad buffet. This is, in fact the ONLY time I really love salads. I will eat salad and veggies like crazy at a Sweet Tomatoes. Don’t tell anyone, but I have actually gone to Sweet Tomatoes in Pleasanton for lunch by myself several times. That feels good to get off of my chest. I was fearful that my fellow carnivores would look down on me, scared that my Creole ancestors would come to haunt my dreams and culinary endeavors. So no, my friend, I do not consider salad buffets blasphemous, again buffets are a lifestyle and I will “yes and” any buffet’s efforts (well, maybe not a tofu buffet, that's just sick).

Stay tuned…

What's the "beef" with buffets?

About 3 years ago I was a huge advocate of the buffet restaurant. It was a fantastic concept for me to pay one price and eat anything I wanted after that. I was such a soldier for buffets, I even came up with an idea for a comedic guide of buffet etiquette; ya' know, an almost mini Frommers of buffet Dos and Don'ts as well as buffet highlights around the world. In fact, as I type, I think I need to bring that idea out of its coma and let it have its day.

Back to the point, I have several friends that are NOT okay with the buffet. Why not? Speaking as an eating hobbyist, I have been to buffets in several states in the US, Turkey, Japan, Korea and Greece and I can tell you that there are enough buffets out there to tickle everyone's pallet. My friend Dustin is a pretty outspoken culinary enthusiast speaking out against buffets. While he has a point with the long lines (which I am not a fan of), I often beg to differ with him on the taste of what he describes as “mass-produced, cafeteria style” fare. Buffets, like any other eateries, are as diverse at the people that patronize them. One group of restaurants cannot to judged by a select few, much like people. Let's take a "Crash-Course" in buffet appreciation, shall we?

First, one cannot use Hometown Buffet as the buffet "Measuring Stick". I admit, when Hometown and Country Harvest Buffets popped up in the Fremont and Newark area in the mid 90's, I was excited! My family would make weekly trips to strap on the feedbag... ah, there it is, "feedbag". Hometown Buffet satisfied my urge to eat a lot in one place at one low price; that was it. In this case, mark one point for Dustin. What Hometown lacks in taste, they make up for in volume and not charging it's patrons for what they don't eat. Places like Hometown aren't worried about taste, they just want to get you guys in there.

To find a good buffet, find a type of food you like. I LOVE Japanese food, and I was jazzed to learn of a great Japanese buffet call Todai (like toe-dye). Todai serves up lunch and dinner with a variety of traditional Japanese dishes. Narrowing your food type will help you in your buffet search.

Finally, Buffet within your comfort zone. Let's start using buffet as verb for this example. When me and Lisa got married in Las Vegas last year, Dustin and his family accompanied us to the Paris Las Vegas buffet, Le Village Buffet. An amazing buffet (in my opinion) and probably the best I have attended to date. After about 25 minutes in line, it was obvious to me that Dustin was not "Buffeting" in his comfort zone. He and his wife had their young, yet tired son, Dustin had strong opinions about buffets in the first place and, we were coming off of a pretty exciting and exhausting day of wedding festivities. One must ask themselves several questions when defining their "Buffet Comfort Zone":

1. Do I even like buffets?
2. How long am I willing to wait in line?
3. How long can my child(ren) wait in line?
4. Is the food worth it?
5. How long am I willing to wait in with the person(s) I am going with?

Find your comfort zone, weigh the options and have fun.

My next post will include buffet Dos and Don’ts in order to enhance your buffet lifestyle.

Happy buffeting!

What a weekend!

This past weekend was filled with some heavy hitting repast. Let's review shall we:

Friday Night:
I went L&L Hawaiian BBQ crazy and kicked it with the BBQ mix plate, a regular BBQ beef and a regular chicken katsu. These were shared of course, Lisa and I kicked it family style.

Saturday:
Started with picking from left-overs early that morning, into a Winchell's donut at the Home Buying Seminar I attended in Walnut Creek . I chose a powdered jelly donut; big mistake as the powder couldn't keep away from my black jeans. I stayed the course and finished that donut baby!

After the seminar (which was kick-ass, Kevin would be proud), I went to mommy's to see her and catch some left-over lasagna she had frozen. Maybe frozen foods is her new thing, she froze me and Lisa's wedding cakes after she baked them and those cakes were to cylinders of baked sex! I also sucked down 3 sodas while I was there.

Later that evening, it was time for Lisa's family birthday celebration at Haratio's in San Leandro; this is fantastic seafood joint on the marina. I was very happy that my sister and her friend, Alfonso could make it. My sister, Jennifer, has always makes fun of me for ordering anything but seafood at seafood joints; I wanted to keep tradition alive so I order the hangar steak. For dessert: the rest of Lisa's Crab-Stuffed Mahi-Mahi and a slice of Key-Lime Pie, mmm mmm. All in all, a great night!

Sunday:
After taking Lisa to get her birthday bicycle (not before having some breakfast sausage) and stopping by the Millers to shoot the breeze, I had a shower and hopped on BART for my improv class at the Shelton Theater in SF. I don't like to eat before a performance class, so I kept it clean until dinner.

Since I get home from class later on Sundays, Lisa often eats without me, this leaves me to fend for myself. I'll give you one guess where I went for dinner... YEP L&L! I was home in time to sucked down some BBQ beef, short ribs and a Melon Splash Wine Cooler over the remaining hour of the 77th Annual Academy Awards.

Yep, it was quite a weekend. Wait until my birthday, I hear mommy has quite the spread planned. And don't even start about me and Lisa heading to New Orleans this Summer; I may have to write a book.

Clean Bill of Health, BUT...

Good 'ole Dr. Eric Anderson examined me today. There was the pressing of the back for tenderness, the seriously quiet study of my heartbeat (after all, I am overweight). Then, as not expected, he said, "Well, let's do an EKG to rule out any heart problems."

I have to admit, I was a bit concerned, but relieved at the same time; I wasn’t accustomed to doctors being so thorough in the Kaiser Health System. I had heard about heart problems manifesting as backaches. After checking my blood pressure (which was normal, I was surprised too), my oxygen level (also normal), It was time for the EKG, that too came back normal. Wow, I am one healthy fat dude! I felt like bragging to all me fat "bruthas" and "sistas" who weren't as lucky as me; but I didn't. After Dr. Anderson turned a bewildered eyebrow up at me squeaky clean test results, I guess he couldn't help himself and said it, "You DO need to lose some weight, that could become a big problem as you get older..."

Damn, he got me! After he said that, I realized just how old I was getting. When I came in for minor aches and pains when I was in my 20's, they didn't default to EKGs and oxygen tests. In fact, they patted me on the head and told me to go about my day. I guess I have passed the "young" threshold right into "At risk heart patient".

Today was probably the 12th of many medical near-misses for me. Doctors have often marveled at how healthy I am for such an overweight guy; I credit my non-love affair with sweets, give me a steak any day! I have been given several opportunities to get off of my ass and lose the weight; I have simply chosen to take the low road and do NOTHING. Now that I am married, studying home buying and thinking on having a kid or two, the idea of getting healthy isn't just a good idea, it more like a necessity.

When will I make the connection? When will I chose life over red meat? What will finally help me break the habit of lusting after food?!?! Maybe today was it...

That's what I get!

I have an appointment at Kaiser this morning for my back. I woke up with insane back pain and could hardly move. The burps continue to flow as I move slowly through my morning. If you are wondering, the answer is "Yes", I did drink another soda before bed and "YES", I did drink the exploded Jones soda; it was the PERFECT cooling agent for my final Jones night-cap. I am a sad sad man.

Let's see if I can guess what Dr. Eric will say about my back, there is always the, "You need to drop a few pounds", maybe the ever so popular, "you should try changing your diet", not to be out done by the, "Have you seen a nutritionist". These poor doctors have gone to school for many many years to save lives and they don't understand that I am impervious to logical health suggestions. "Bacon tastes good, porkchops taste good", as my good friend Vincent Vega so eloquently put.

More to come later, pray for my back, and if you are atheist, don't pray, just feel bad for me and try to figure out a scientific reason for why this is happening.

Pizza and solid Jones

As you can see from the pics below, Apple Jones exploded on my frozen Young Fryer Chicken (as expected). Part of me wants to save it, but I think I will just let it die.

On the way home from work, I stopped in and picked up an X-Large pizza with Pepperoni, Linguica and DOUBLE sausage. It looks as though CBS Survivor Night is also Bronco Billy's Night at the Dunc household. Thanks to Greg (from Apple Slap) and Eric of the Songwiter's Studios, I am hooked on that pizza place. To make matters worse, it is LITERALLY on the way home from work. Now I have two eateries I jones for every week, the other being L & L Hawaiian Barbecue.

If you haven't had the pleasure of tasting L & L, you MUST! Their bbq beef is to die for, and the chicken katsu is crispy and delicious. Mmm, I am getting sweaty just thinking about it. L & L isn't fast food, it's good food fast!

As for my back, it still hurts like a mother! The wife got home from her meeting and saw the pain I was in, she then started the massage process in order to expel the gas. Now I have less places in my back that hurt. The REALLY bad news is the gas bubbles have migrated south, sorry Honey! She is in for a hell of a night. I know drinking another soda will make my back worse, but I am a glutton... well, you know the rest.

Jones Soda rehab in the in-sink-er-ator.

Poor poor Green Apple Jones Soda! Here's the yada yada yada for ya'.

Jones on ice

I slapped a Green Apple Jones Soda in the freezer just before I got in the shower this morning (you already know the ending, but humor me). Yada yada yada, 15 minutes into my trip to work, I realized I forgot the soda... what a waste of a great product.

I love a good, icy cold beverage from the freezer, but 3 times out of ten, I forget my soda and/or wine cooler and/or smirnoff ice in the there. I guess I could take the time to see how long it takes for the beverage to reach optimal 'Dunc' coldness and use a timer, but I was never much of a scientist. I could write myself a note, but I'm lazy. I could just learn to live with the low-grade coldness of the fridge, but I deserve better.

In other news, my back is killing me from gas! Where is Silvia when you need her? That woman could walk the gas out of an elephant. Those little feet are like flesh colored massaging Beano tablets. My wife did a number on my back last night, I didn't want here to stop, but it was her birthday and she deserved more than massaging this sad, gas-filled sack of lard.

Well, back to work.